By: Blonde Two

Yesterday Blonde One told you about her experiences with augmented reality. We had a play on Dartmoor with the app in question the other day and had a great time arguing with it because it hadn’t calibrated properly and didn’t know where Hound Tor was. Augmented reality (when digital information is transposed onto human experience) is a strange idea, one which I feel I should dislike, because reality (especially outdoor reality) is usually really lovely without any augmentation. A bit like breasts I suppose, real breasts are nice but augmented ones are probably nice too (or so I am told).

I could waffle on (maybe not about breasts) but what I really want to tell you is that I think I have invented my own augmented outdoor device. Please allow me to introduce the Smart Boot…

The Smart Boot can tell you the temperature, the humidity and your altitude (but maybe not your attitude). It can tell you which way your toes are pointing and how many millimetres you have to go into a bog until water depth compromises your socks. The Smart Boot will tell you how far you have walked, how much further you have to go and whether or not you are walking fast enough.

If you buy the Smart-Stone Boot enhancement pack, you can get all kinds of geological information about the rocks beneath your feet. The Smart Bird-Boot enhancement pack however will identify bird species via a tiny web cam in the toe. There will also be a Video Selfie facility.

All of this information will be accessed via a small screen in the top of each boot (so that you don’t fall over trying to look at the same foot all of the time). The positioning of the screen is perfect for Dartmoor tussock-balancing as you have to look at the ground anyway but also good for those who are feeling grumpy and don’t want to talk to anyone.

Of course the Smart-Boot that will not be for sale to the general public is the Smart Blonde-Boot which will navigate perfectly, drive a minibus, organise expeditions, write witty blog posts, drink coffee, burst into spontaneous laughter at incomprehensible moments and from time to time talk utter nonsense!