By: Blonde Two
I have been looking back through the Two Blondes blog archive and have discovered that so far, our meanderings seem to be focused on four main topics:
1. Nice places to go.
2. What to wear.
3. What to eat.
4. How to go to the loo.
The first three of these seem to be socially acceptable. However, despite the fact that there is an obvious biological connection between topics three and four – I do feel the need to apologise in advance to you for mentioning number four (or number twos) again. That said, if you tell me that you have never needed to do the High Hill Squat or the Tor Top Teeter – I won’t believe you unless you are a teenage girl. In the Two Blondes experience, these hardy creatures can walk for hours and drink gallons of fizzy pop, without even a hint of leg crossing behaviour.
A fantastic invention has recently been brought to my notice and I feel honor-bound to share it with you. I think I have found the solution to a rather niggly walking issue. As you know, I have slightly dodgy knees – this has meant that these days, I have to chose my outdoor loo stops more carefully and make sure that they provide a hand hold which will help me pull myself back up (Blonde One is a good friend but you can take friendships too far!)
Ladies and Gentlemen – let me introduce you to the Strap and C**** (excuse the lingo) http://www.indiegogo.com/projects/328374. Why no-one has thought of it before I don’t know – it claims to reduce thigh strain but even better than that, it will “lessen the chance of messin’ your pants” (glad they remembered the apostrophe). The video speaks for itself and is well worth watchin’ (see what I did there?)
I may get one just to flight test it but am a bit worried about getting tangled up – I managed to get my compass caught up in my knickers the other day. Luckily the Strap and C**** has useful equipment loops that I could hang an escape knife on!
Tremendous 🙂
Tremendous
This is a bit of a bog blog and I shall need to go to ground with this one for a while!
Watch this space and mind where you step!
I hope you will notice that we have renamed this post in honour of your comment! Never go to ground in a bog – I think you spend too much time up mountains.
Looking forward to more fun from the Dartmoor Bog trotters 🙂
Dartmoor Bog Trotters – I like that. Nice to hear from you – hope adventure preparations are going well!
Now I have seen it all!!! Not sure how useful it would be on Dartmoor – how often do you find a sturdy bit tree to attach it to???? I generally find myself out in the open with a flimsey gorse bush for cover or leap into a ditch and hope noboby appears!!!!
Since destroying my knee I might need one of these, but I’ve actually got quite good at squatting as my physio exercises require me to do squats so I have rock hard quads!!! Just need to be able to bend the knee properly now!!!
What,! I suggest that you “pop down” to your local camping/climbing shop and buy some rope with a buckle clasp. That way you can secure yourself in the same fashion to conduct your performance.
Alternatively, get on down to a local HGV shop and get some truck webbing, performs the same function.
It would be a USA invention! Apart from which, using that device, you have a high profile on the skyline and be visible to quite an audience!
Think I will give it a miss.
Carlos
I do hope that you are not suggesting that either of the Two Blondes are heavy enough to require truck webbing. Am tempted to get some to do a mock up scenario though!
Lovely! Thanks for that! It is an honour indeed! It is true that we don’t have many bogs on mountains and this is why we have to make sure we have used the facilities before we climb a mountain as there are limited places to hide if you get caught short! Especially in the summer when there are thousands of visitors around.
In the winter months the problem would be exposure, by that I mean exposing yourself to freezing. cold winds is not advisable around the nether regions for obvious reasons,!
I did walk over a frozen bog last week which was satisfying but imaging trying to apply Sphagnum moss in those conditions!
The moral of the story is go before you leave!