By: Blonde Two
Do you remember the days when graffiti was a simple affair? One paint can, an old railway bridge and the words “Rules OK” preceded by anything you wanted and followed by an over-inflated exclamation mark. These days, graffiti has to look like it is real, be painted by an invisible man and be found in improbable places.
Our title today though, is not referring to youthful paint shenanigans, heaven forbid that we Blondes should catch anyone committing that heinous act on Dartmoor. We have brought to you today, for your consideration and entertainment, some of the more interesting and Blonde of Dartmoor’s many rules;
You may not paint your Blonde Mobile on any Dartmoor access land.
You may not dam a stream or river in order to have a Blonde Bath. This may explain the current Devonshire beaver issues!
You may not train Sir Rippon of Blonde (your racehorse) on any Dartmoor access land.
You may not molest any animal (or Blonde) on any Dartmoor access land.
You may not drive, chip or pitch any hard golf ball on Dartmoor access land. It would also be really annoying if you wore those silly trousers and shoes.
You may not use a metal detector even if you are a Blonde who has lost her earrings.
You may not remove any dung from access land (presumably unless it is your own).
You may not fly a kite in a way that might annoy someone else. Personally I have never been annoyed by a kite but you never know.
You may not park your heavy commercial vehicle on the verges. Note to Blonde One who has been making “I want to drive a lorry” noises recently.
We Blondes are sticklers for the rule book so, of course, we have never stolen dung, worn silly trousers or lost our earrings on Dartmoor. Just to be awkward, we also like to make up our own rules, that way only we know whether we are breaking them or not!