By: Blonde Two

If you can keep your head when all about you
Are losing their way and driving caravans down tiny lanes,
If you can trust yourself to have enough fuel;
But make allowance for a trebled journey time;
If you can wait and not be tired by waiting
In traffic jam after traffic jam.
In all directions, and not give way to hating.

If you can dream of a time when roads were empty;
If you can think – despite the engines drone;
If you approach a Triumph and avoid disaster
And abuse chocolate to calm yourself down;
If you can bear to hear the traffic report
Twisted and repeated making a trap for fools;
Or watch your careful day’s plans be broken
And stoop and revert to plans that break your usual rules.

If you can make one heap of all your winnings
And spend it on petrol to sit in queues;
If you can start your journey again at its beginnings
And drive the long way round with pretty views.
If you can force your heart and nerve and sinew
To make the trip although all hope is gone;
Of holding on to your sunny day schedule
That you thought would be such fabulous fun.

If you can drive with crowds and keep your virtue
Or lose your dignity uttering the common tongue;
If neither foes nor loving friends can help you
Because all are stuck in the same traffic throng.
If you can fill the many, many unforgiving minutes
With sixty seconds of absolutely no distance run;
THEN YOU PROBABLY LIVE IN DEVON
GOOD LUCK TO YOU MY SON!