By: Blonde Two

As you may have previously noticed, I tend to take a rather simplistic view of UK mainland geography. Don’t tell Ordnance Survey because they have worked very hard to split the country up into green bits, brown bits and blue bits, but in my Blonde head, the UK is far more simple. There are six areas and I grew up in one, learnt to love the rain in another and eventually settled in a third. Indeed, in Devon, I am a ‘blow-in’ but hopefully, one whose good deeds and service to the community have, by now, earned her the right to stay.

 

 

My apologies at this point to my friends in Ireland, I know where you are even the people who drew this map outline don’t.

At this juncture, please take notice of where I have placed the South West label. This, I am convinced I have got right. The South West surely has to be to the south and west of everybody else. Like Wales, the South West is the sticky-out bit.

There appears to be some confusion about this, here is a list of (rather badly behaved) places that I have recently seen claim to be in the South West: Bristol, Bath, Cheltenham, Gloucester and Swindon. Now I know that I live in the South West but just in case people living in the wayward areas above are experiencing confusion, here is a little, ‘Do I live in the South West?’ quiz.

  1. If your area lays claim to any other motorway than the M5 you do not live in the South West.
  2. If your area never gets cut off from the rest of the country following snows, a spring tide or a combination of the two, you do not live in the South West.
  3. If you think that ‘dreckly’ means exactly the same thing as ‘directly’, you do not live in the South West.
  4. If you have never argued about which way round to put your jam and your cream, you do not live in the South West.
  5. If your area is not surrounded on three sides by water, you do not live in the South West.
  6. If you are not within easy distance of a moor called Bodmin, Dart or Ex, you do not live in the South West.
  7. If you can get a train to North Wales in less than 11 hours, you do not live in the South West.
  8. If you panic at the sight of narrow lanes banked with rocks and topped with trees, you do not live in the South West.
  9. If you can drive around the edge of your county without having to cross a large bridge or take a ferry you do not live in the South West.
  10. If you don’t understand where ‘Up Country’ is, you do not live in the South West.

Sorry! You are very welcome to come and visit!