By: Blonde Two
One thing that always happens to me during First Aid training is that I compose a long mental list of extra “safety” items that I should carry in my rucksack. I obviously already carry spare clothing, emergency rations, a survival bag, a first aid kit, several torches, a hot drink and a roll mat. Mr Blonde Two gets a bit exasperated when I insist on carting it all with me if we go out for a stroll (especially as he often ends up carrying it all) but one never knows when one’s “emergency” is going to … well … emerge and I would hate to be unprepared.
I now have several new rucksack candidates, some are sensible but it will be more fun to tell you about the silly ones;
A badger – I am not sure how this idea came about but there was a stuffed badger in the room and we decided that it might be good to stem a bleed. In fact “badger” became the answer to any First Aid problem we couldn’t solve.
A tree stump – we were trying to think of ways in which you could deal with choking if you were on your own. One is to imitate the Heimlich manoeurvre (we are not allowed to call it that any more) by running onto a chest height tree stump. As these arboreal delights are tricky to find on Dartmoor, it could be deemed necessary to carry one around.
A disposable nappy – I made this one up all on my own. We were shown some granules that you can pour into chainsaw wounds (other wounds are available) to stem bleeding. I have almost managed to convince myself that ripping apart a disposable nappy and splodging it, gel side down, onto a wound would have the same effect.
A chainsaw – you obviously can’t get a chainsaw wound without a chainsaw (and yes, I have used one a few times). You might also need this macho power kick if you are choking and discover that you have packed the wrong size tree stump.
I am definitely going to need a bigger rucksack!
I like the way the Blondes (I worry I might have done a comment or two back there without a cap B; if so, please forgive) like to portray themselves sometimes as sturdy, non-laughing Shackleton types then as flibbertigibbet (Hard to spell!) airheads. Don’t forget there is a middle course: appearing on Dartmoor in a clinker-built boat, preferably a coble, attempting to row the route and batting away the curious with an oar. Ideally your faces should be grizzled with beard fuzz but this may be a step too far.
The beard fuzz would not go with the mascara at all but I like the look of the coble. Blonde One wouldn’t though, she is not a natural water baby.
In Scotland, a set of 12ft. stepladders essential for getting over deer fences. Do they have those on Dartmoor?
We don’t have many deer on Dartmoor and I have never seen a deer fence there either. We are going to Exmoor this year so will maybe see some (I don’t like stiles these days so I hope they are not too tall!)
I’m sure you mean a coracle cos then it could double as a soup bowl or spare cup if needed.
That would be an awful lot of soup. Imagine the onions you would have to peel if it was French Onion!
And the tears! More wet !!! I can see the subject needs more thought.