By: Blonde Two
WE BLONDES are now offering GUIDED DARTMOOR WALKS
The title, ‘Guided Dartmoor Walks’ sounds very posh doesn’t it? Believe us, we wanted to call this post, ‘Blonde Bimbles’ or ‘Girly Walks’; but the search engines demand that we bloggers use words that they recognise.
What I am trying to tell you Blondees and Blondettes about is our latest Blonde-Venture. Not content with teaching the nation’s youth about Dartmoor, we have now decided to do the same thing with Normal-People. We are offering bespoke Blonde-Guided-Bimbles, Blonde-Navigation-Training and Wild-Blonde-Camps.
Except that we aren’t normal; and we don’t expect people who want to come on a Wild-Blonde-Camp or a Blonde-Navigation-Session to be normal either. We expect them to be fun, eager and good at eating Jelly Babies … we can teach them everything else that they need to know.
Who knows, our first customer might be you and your office mates. Come out Dartmoor Blonding with us, you know that you want to. Find out more here: http://wp.me/P2OiIR-1OP
I need to diversify and this post suggests how. I’ll not bother with offering guided tours of Hereford; even by sedan chair they’d be over in half an hour. But A Journalist’s View Of London would be a goer, don’t you think?
Come to think of it I organised something similar in my youth. Starting at the Aldwych and walking east along Fleet Street, or at Ludgate Circus and walking west, we called in at all the pubs en route and had half a pint. Amazing, given I only enjoyed the company of topers in those days, the walk was never completed – in either direction.
A fantasy, you say. Am I a Normal Person, might I profit from one of your tours? First thing I’d need to check would be your scores when you took the Resuscitating The Apparently Dead test. Also, who’d carry the defibrillators?
Bespoke means exactly what it says Roderick. We have friends with stretchers should you need one, and can organise expeditions with half hour strolls between pubs/views if required. In fact, that sounds like the perfect way to start!
We wish you a very happy and successful debut into the world of taking anyone and everyone out into the mud, the bog and the rain, by day or night. Have a great big heap of fun!
The mention of Hereford brings to mind my first 50 miler – Malvern, Ledbury, Hereford via miles of hop fields – very eerie at two in the morning – Alfric, Leigh Sinton, Malvern. Before that, I had never done more than 10 miles and my beeootiful blister got me out of hockey and netball for a whole blissful week!
Seeing Leigh Sinton mentioned gave me a frisson. It is now famed for only one thing: its draconian attitude towards those who speed through its confines. Within 200 yards of the camera sign going north, one sees the camera itself and the marked stretch of road. I dunno what they did as punishment in the past (reintroduced the ducking stool, perhaps, or branded offenders with a cap S on the forehead) but these days everybody, but everybody, slows down at the camera sign. From White Van Man to arrogant thirty-year-old twits in company Audis, they all obey. As a result one gets to examine LS minutely and recognise it is utterly unexceptional.
Believe me, Starfire, the hop-fields were the way to go.
If only I could hop-along now as fast as I could then! (Thanks for the 30 warning – I’ll try and remember it next time I am up that way.)