By: Blonde Two
“Do you want to borrow my tights?”
I should probably have been a bit disconcerted when Mr Blonde Two asked me this question on Sunday. Had any other man asked it I would have been, but I know Mr B2 quite well and I am quite comfortable with the fact that he has several pairs of tights.
I have a pressing need to get a lot fitter over the next few months. Mr B2 is much fitter than me because he does a lot (on average 100 miles a week) of cycling. I walk (you know that) and swim (you might not know that) and have given up running (I never really started).
All of the above information led to Mr B2 finally persuading me to accompany him to our local velopark (a park for velos) and take in a few laps.
When Not-At-All-Blonde was very little and didn’t mind wearing a bright pink helmet that made her head look enormous, I used to cycle all over hilly Malvern with her on the back of my bike. I discovered that Malvern wasn’t that hilly after all, once we moved to Devon.
I am pleased to report that veloparks are great and that I cycled 12km. I think veloparks must, like letters and kissing, be a French invention. Here is what you have to do if you want to go to one:
1. Wear your husband’s tights (cycling tights) without any underwear (he promised me that this is usual).
2. Get used to the nappy-like padding in your husband’s tights.
3. Try your husband’s bike for size.
4. Reject your husband’s bike because you can’t touch the floor on it, and because the saddle is a razor designed to damage important parts of the female anatomy.
5. Try on a helmet and decide on an optimum hair arrangement whilst there is still an available mirror.
6. Hire a bike from the velopark and ask a nice man to lower the saddle.
7. Get stuck getting off the hired bike, even though it has a girl cross-bar and a very low saddle.
8. Get back onto the hired bike and get the nappy-like padding in your husband’s tights, stuck on the pointy bit of the saddle.
9. Cycle around a very pleasing and traffic-free track in the sunshine, whilst alternately shouting ‘This is fun.’ and ‘Ouch my bits hurt.’
10. Gracefully admit that you can’t do quite as many laps as your daughter did when she had a go.
If you have a velopark near to you and want to try cycling then I can thoroughly recommend giving it a go. There were riders of all sizes, speeds and ages enjoying themselves and the staff were really welcoming. I have surprised myself by saying that I want to go again!
PS I appear to have a new muscle that joins the top of my knee to my inner thigh. Does it have a name? It is definitely making its presence felt!