By: Blonde Two
On Saturday morning, I awoke to a semi conscious state and found myself wondering where on earth I was. I didn’t really feel like opening my eyes as they felt like they hadn’t been shut for long enough. It was clear that I wasn’t at home, nothing was right, the smell wasn’t home, there was no Mr Blonde Two beside me and the mattress wasn’t lumpy.
I could tell that I wasn’t in a tent for several reasons;
1. There was no condensation dripping on my head.
2. My bladder wasn’t aching from not having gone all night.
3. I wasn’t freezing cold.
4. I hadn’t woken in a panic because I couldn’t find the way out of my sleeping bag.
5. The mattress wasn’t lumpy.
I got out of bed and stumbled along to the bathroom – I seemed to know where this was at least. I could tell that I wasn’t in a hotel room because;
1. I wasn’t having to avert my eyes from full length mirrors
2. There were no little tea and biscuit sachets
3. There wasn’t someone hoovering outside the door
4. The toilet paper wasn’t folded in a little triangle (why do they do that?)
5. The mattress wasn’t lumpy
The big question here is of course – “Where were you Blonde Two?” Well the clues are as follows;
1. I had been out for curry the night before with some lovely Duke of Edinburgh people (not HRH although I think someone was texting him all night)
2. I had had a couple of glasses of wine (evidenced by a fuzzy tongue)
3. I had fallen asleep clutching a cute little polar bear (not a real one)
4. I had stayed up chatting until 2.30 in the morning.
5. I found some very nice “Sheer Blonde” shampoo and conditioner in the shower.
Yep, you guessed it Blonde Fans – I had stayed the night at Blonde One’s house. Our D of E kids laughed today, at the thought of us having a “sleep over”. It was most pleasant, I must return the favour sometime.
Sleepovers can be quite confusing and cause some embarressment. Well it does in my world!
We stayed with friends on one occassion and being good hosts they gave us use of their bedroom’
During the night the husband forgot he wasn’t sleeping in his own bed and got up to go to the toilet and returned to his own bed where we were sleeping’
He tried to get in on Lin’s side. Needless to say we were all very shocked!
On another occassion we were staying at a B & B and in the morning I thought I would go and find the breakfast room and was met by a large array of doors. On one of the doors was a note which said ‘It’s in here’ I thought how thoughtful and entered to find myself facing a woman in her nightwear! It seems that other husbands are known for getting lost too!
On another night staying with friends during the night I needed to use the bathroom and so as not to disturb our hosts I used a torch to find my way down the stairs where the bathroom was. The torch had a loose connection and kept going on and off and the wife weoken up by the intermittent light woke up her husband and said to him that there was someone flashing on the stairs.
I have never before been accused of being a flasher!
Our friends have a good sense of humour and they make great party stories!
… and never been thus accused since I hope. Might I recommend some night navigation practice?
Question answered!
One of the (now) large USA hotel chain owners, when starting out wanted to do something that no other hotel did. (Dare to be different and have a unique talking point) He then came upon the idea of the triangle fold on toilet paper.
It wasn’t long before they were all at it.
That is hysterical. I have just visited both of my bathrooms to make a triangle in the loo roll. May try it at work tomorrow!
Apologies for the lack of toilet roll origami. Perhaps next time I will compensate by making a swan made of towels for the bed?!