By: Blonde Two
On Saturday morning, I awoke to a semi conscious state and found myself wondering where on earth I was. I didn’t really feel like opening my eyes as they felt like they hadn’t been shut for long enough. It was clear that I wasn’t at home, nothing was right, the smell wasn’t home, there was no Mr Blonde Two beside me and the mattress wasn’t lumpy.
I could tell that I wasn’t in a tent for several reasons;
1. There was no condensation dripping on my head.
2. My bladder wasn’t aching from not having gone all night.
3. I wasn’t freezing cold.
4. I hadn’t woken in a panic because I couldn’t find the way out of my sleeping bag.
5. The mattress wasn’t lumpy.
I got out of bed and stumbled along to the bathroom – I seemed to know where this was at least. I could tell that I wasn’t in a hotel room because;
1. I wasn’t having to avert my eyes from full length mirrors
2. There were no little tea and biscuit sachets
3. There wasn’t someone hoovering outside the door
4. The toilet paper wasn’t folded in a little triangle (why do they do that?)
5. The mattress wasn’t lumpy
The big question here is of course – “Where were you Blonde Two?” Well the clues are as follows;
1. I had been out for curry the night before with some lovely Duke of Edinburgh people (not HRH although I think someone was texting him all night)
2. I had had a couple of glasses of wine (evidenced by a fuzzy tongue)
3. I had fallen asleep clutching a cute little polar bear (not a real one)
4. I had stayed up chatting until 2.30 in the morning.
5. I found some very nice “Sheer Blonde” shampoo and conditioner in the shower.
Yep, you guessed it Blonde Fans – I had stayed the night at Blonde One’s house. Our D of E kids laughed today, at the thought of us having a “sleep over”. It was most pleasant, I must return the favour sometime.