By: Blonde One
I’ve begun the preparations for my next Munro bagging trip in February. I’ve decided that I might use crampons and ice axe again so I’ve splashed out and bought my own instead of borrowing this time. I was excited to get the crampons out of the box and get them set up to my size. With instructions leaflet in hand, I began the task. Who knew it would be so tricky?! The leaflet was in a variety of languages: Italian, Spanish, German, and Gibberish!
Here’s the language that I was faced with …
“The antibott is essential for safety.”
“The Cramp-O-Matic system utilizes the rear bale and lever.”
“Sharp points are ideal for anchoring on ice cauliflower.”
“Slide the accordeon on the bar with the flange facing the forward part.”
“The bellows shape allows shrinking the crampons.”
“Adjust the accordeon by cutting it from the back side (opposite to the flange side) in the throat between two spires.”
What on earth is all that about? I think I need to consult an expert and get them to help! I wouldn’t want to mix up my cauliflower with my accordeon.
Hee – that’s a beauty! Have you tried running the foreign language versions through Google Translate? The results ought to be splendiferous!
Anti-bott; something to do with closing a hole? (Bott flies bore holes in hide.)
Bale – something that is locked in? Prisoners used to be kept in the bale room during their trials.
Ice cauliflower – cauliflower ear, a permanent thickening – a thickening of the ice?
Accordion is the musical instrument, not accordeon, so perhaps this is something that meets – accords with – something else? Eon – a power emanating from the supreme deity, sharing the government of the universe. Are you planning on governing the universe in your crampons?
(I wouldn’t put anything past a Blonde!)
As far as I am aware I have never noticed any type of vegetable in Blonde One’s ears. Will remember to check next time I see her!
P.S. Go-Outdoors threw a little light on the mysterious world of crampons this week.
Once upon a time, before the Blondes were born, Milletts used to sell second-hand military equipment. Typically the commando rucksack with its oh-so-uncomfortable metal frame. Also commando ice-axes which I had to have, if only to pose with. Then I went a step too far. The rock-climbing season opened with an early Easter and I took my ice-axe with me to the Lake District. There I was, temperatures in the sixties (we only did Fahrenheit then) and me with this aggressive looking spike sticking up out of my rucksack.
Worse, I encountered Eric Shipton, ex-Himalayas climber, then warden of the Outward Bound Mountain School which I’d attended the previous year. “You won’t find much use for that,” he pointed out mildly. (Like the weather). Ah, the shame.
Oh no, how mortifying… brave of you to relive it for us!