By: Blonde Two

Yesterday I talked about my “keeping warm” routine on cold tent nights and the post got me thinking about something.  We have all experienced the phenomena that is the subject of today’s discussion.  That’s it, you get the idea, today I am going to ask some questions about needing the loo all night when you are camping.  As far as I can see, there are two possible situations which come into play here;

1.  Being cold makes you need to wee more than usual.

2.  Needing to wee makes you cold.

I have delved into the crevasses of scientific research to bring you the following Blonde answers to the vexing issue of cold night micturition/taking a leek (for the Welsh)/having a pee/urinating.

There is a large sector of the outdoor community who believe that keeping a full bladder of urine warm uses up vital heat energy which might otherwise be used to keep different bits of us warm.  I even found some hypothermia advice which suggested that it is beneficial to ask a hypothermic person to have a pee before being wrapped up to get toasty.  This design fault is a shame really because, if he had been thinking about it, God could have taken the bladder invention moment as an opportunity to provide mankind with an internal hot water bottle.

People who are hypothermic need to wee a lot.  This is called Cold Diuresis where the kidneys pull off excess fluid to reduce detected pressure in the bloodstream created by dilation of chilly, constricted extremity blood vessels which have gone chilly and restricted to protect your core.  Basically, your body is trying to be clever but kind of misunderstanding the situation a bit.

Keeping a coffee jar in your tent can help.  Don’t yell at me, I know that coffee is a diuretic and that drinking it will make you wee a small river.  I wasn’t suggesting that you keep coffee in your coffee jar.  No, I found a website that reckons that it is perfectly possible for a lady to wee in a coffee jar, screw the lid back on and not make any mess.  I would just like to point out that I can’t quite sit up in my tent and that I would probably cry if I piddled all over my new sleeping bag.  Besides that, what if you had a jar of coffee as well as your coffee jar?  Just imagine the possibilities for confusion and disappointment when you came to make your morning cup of coffee.

My research has led me to conclude that Winter camping puts you in great danger of becoming stuck in the bladder, cold loop.  Cold Blonde – full bladder – cold Blonde – full bladder … until you either – go outside for a pee, wet the sleeping bag or die.