By: Blonde Two
I made an exciting but rather guilty purchase at the weekend. We have a Ten Tors camp up on Dartmoor on Friday night and I was getting depressed at the thought of being freezing cold all night so I raided the savings account and ordered a big, bouncy down sleeping bag. If it doesn’t arrive on time, there will be some serious stropping and a very grumpy Blonde for the camp fellas to cope with but hopefully it will and I will be as snug as a bug in an orange, squishy rug.
My existing sleeping bag is an old friend and I will not be getting rid of it but it is just not up to the chill of Dartmoor Winter nights. In the past, I have had to go through a lengthy and somewhat tedious process in order to keep myself warm. It went something like this;
1. That morning – dress in underwear that is comfy enough to wear all night.
2. Two hours before tent time – nil by mouth.
3. Half an hour before tent time – empty bladder.
4. One minute before tent time – empty bladder again.
5. Get into tent removing boots.
6. Sit directly on Thermarest and sleeping bag two, shove feet straight into sleeping bag.
7. DO NOT REMOVE HAT
8. Take outer trousers off but keep merino thermals on – add leggings.
9. Swap to thicker socks taking care to only get one out of the sleeping bag at a time.
10. Remove down jacket – add merino top and put hood up.
11. DO NOT REMOVE HAT
12. Enter sleeping bag one – struggle with zip on wrong side for three minutes.
13. Enter sleeping bag two – struggle with worse zip on wrong side for six minutes.
14. Get cramp in legs, drink water, remember nil by mouth and feel bladder twitching.
15. Get out of sleeping bags one and two.
16. Replace down jacket.
17. Get back into sleeping bags one and two – approx nine minutes zip work and cramp.
18. Lie down.
19. Sit up and remove hat from front of face – reposition in hood.
20. Lie down.
20. Get head into two sleeping bag hoods without losing hat or suffocating.
22. Arrange fleece over very cold bottom between sleeping bags one and two.
24. Wake up twice in the night to repeat whole process.
On Friday, it is all going to be different. I am going to leap into my tent. Strip down to my knickers, dive into my warm orange cocoon and sleep like a baby all night long (let’s wait and see shall we!)