By: Blonde Two
I know that you lovely Blondees and Blondettes all think that the Two Blondes are physically perfect but, in fact, we share one (obviously only one) rather annoying defect. We are both shortsighted. I have talked about the numerous problems of combining a walking/camping lifestyle with eyewear management before. A few examples would include; glasses that attract the Dartmoor mist and don’t have wipers, contact lenses that blow off your finger into the mud as you use the minibus wing mirror to insert them and eyes that the Dartmoor wind has dried so much that your contact lenses feel like miniature cream crackers in your eyes.
We, being Blonde, have come up with a cunning and subtle plan which helps us to deal with the fact that all of the above situations render us useless at the simple task of ‘looking’. We now take it in turn to be ‘in charge of looking’. If Blonde One’s glasses are making the fog six times as thick as it really is then I am ‘in charge’ and if I have had to remove my contacts then it is her turn. The plan works quite well but there are a couple of ‘in charge of looking’ pitfalls that we have learnt to be aware of;
1. The Blonde who can’t see (kids, tors, big holes in the ground etc) has to announce in a very clear voice that the other Blonde is now ‘in charge of looking’.
2. The Blonde who is not ‘in charge of looking’ mustn’t try to do the ‘looking’ by mistake. This could lead to falling down big holes, walking straight past tors and taking ponies home in the minibus instead of kids.
3. It should never be assumed that just because Blonde Two is ‘in charge of looking’, she should be allowed to drive the minibus. For reasons of public safety and directional challenge, she is not and should never be allowed to do this.
4. Each Blonde has a responsibility to make sure that a situation never occurs when neither Blonde can see. This would be a dire situation and would mean that we would have to co-opt a passer-by to be ‘in charge of looking’ for us. Can you imagine the conversation …