By: Blonde Two

On Saturday I experienced a peculiar Dartmoor problem that I have mentioned to you before. I suffer from the terrible affliction of cold boobs (not onomatopoeic but maybe there is a visual equivalent – b oo b).  Nothing new for this Blonde but what was unusual, was that the problem lasted for the whole day.

I was wearing more than adequate layers of merino clothing including a very well tucked in vest (mum will be pleased).  My whole body, including my hands, was toasty warm, well it would have been if it hadn’t been for the two cold water bottles stuck on my front.  I used to suffer from a cold bottom too – this issue has, for the most part, been solved by the addition of merino leggings and knickers to my walking gear collection. There are some lovely looking merino bras on the market, Icebreaker do them as do Smartwool but there are a couple of problems (have you noticed how many things in my life come in pairs?) Firstly these bras tend to be expensive – I wouldn’t, in all honesty, mind that if it meant warmer appendages.  Secondly, and rather less solvable, is the fact that nobody makes them in a big enough cup size.

You may be forgiven for thinking that I am showing off here.  I’ll admit to having moments of being pleased with my chest but, for the main, the whole big boob thing is a damned nuisance.  It would appear that women who want to walk are supposed to be of a specific size and shape.  I usually get round this problem by buying men’s walking trousers, men’s jackets and men’s fleeces.  I fear, however, that it will be a very long time before Cotswold Outdoors stock men’s merino bras.

It is possible (although quite unusual) to walk across the moor with ones hands on ones boobs in order to warm them up.  This does however, look rather eccentric and, for someone with balance as poor as mine, it risks you falling over and thus getting even colder. Try it if you want to (your own boobs, not mine).  This option really isn’t open to anyone walking with groups of teenagers!

My usual solution to getting very cold on a walk is to go home and soak the cold away in a very hot and preferably bubbly bath.  This remedy works well for all parts of the body except those that float!