By: Blonde Two
Surname: Two
Fornames: Blonde Ditsy
Address: Kink-in-Leat, Nr Crazywell Pool, Dartmoor
Phone: SX582707
Email: blondestwo@ymail.com
Qualifications:
Walking Around in the Dark Award (MLTE), First Aid in Puddles (Mountain Training), Bronze Medallion Swimming, Girl Guide “Camper” badge, BA (Hons) Something-or-Other, A Level French, A Level English, A Level Maths, RYA Dinghy 2, 2 Star Kayak, 2 Star Canoe, Kiwi-Fruit-Picking Level 3 …
Work Experience:
French Fry cultivator – 1986
Telling people to work faster – 1987-1988
Wiping small bottoms and noses, playing “shops” – 1989-1997
Teaching small people to read – 1997-2006
Teaching bigger people to use computers – 2007-2012
Wandering around on Dartmoor – 1997-2014
Teaching other people to wander around on Dartmoor – 2000-2014
Writing a blog – 2012-2014
Personal Statement:
I enjoy walking and exploring in the UK’s best National Park.
I have a particularly interest in finding old stones, map reading and eating Jelly Babies.
People say that I am funny, they mean weird.
People say that I am clever, they mean weird.
People say that I am pretty, they are right.
Fridays are the best day of the week, especially when the next day is on Dartmoor.
I work best in conjunction with another pretty Blonde.
So give me a job … please.
You should become a blog writing consultant and run courses for those who produce stuff like “…we walked up the path, then joined another path. The views from the top were lovely” etc.
Blog Writing Consultant – BWC, that has a ring to it. Maybe BBWC – Blonde Blog Writing Consultant … hmm …
You forgot to mention that you have survived Dartmoor bogs! That must make you a superhero!
You are also an expert on making yourself invisible behind rocks!
What about producing Two Blondes the Movie?
Two Blondes the movie will definitely happen one day. I have relatives in the movie business you know, with all sorts of awards. We just need an angle and naked photos has already been done 🙂
Reading your Blogs as I do, I believe you should start your own Outdoor Adventure company and write books!
Keep up the good work
We Blondes started writing Two Blondes the book a long time ago – in fact the blog was originally a “test the writing water” venture. The problem has been time (of course) but now, maybe you are right. A day job that takes up a more normal number of hours a week, continue fighting the good fight on Dartmoor and … time for some book writing. We are liking the sound of that a lot!
You omitted:-
“experienced at being rescued by helicopter”
“dog walker, Jack Russells a speciality”
“big sister qualities”
and
lots
more
besides,
too
numerous
to
mention!
xxx
Dear Ms Two
Having read your very interesting Curriculum Blonde I would like to offer you the position of being my friend. I would like you to start … well … about 5 years ago actually. The hours are … um … 24/7. The salary is … well … a few jelly babies and boiling water from my Jetboil. The offer is compulsory and non-negotiable.
Yours sincerely
Ms One
Position accepted but you didn’t mention the working conditions! Torrential rain and an oversupply of mud will require a lot of Jelly Babies!!
Pretty needs quantification. On a scale of zero (eg, George Bush senior) to ten (Fiona Bruce) what do you score? Or are you, as they about certain rock climbs, hors catégorie
We refuse to measure ourselves by anything other than the Blonde Scale on which we score maximum points!
BWC – Bog Wading Consultant?
WEIRD – Whacky, erudite, intelligent, romantic, determined?