By: Blonde Two

I have a theory that scientists don’t always tell us everything.  I think they have tried very hard in recent science years to keep one rather big issue secret – this is the admission that they don’t have a clue what a big proportion of the universe is made of.  This seems to be a big flaw to me – how can you sciencify anything if you don’t actually know what it is?

Scientists are, however, very clever.  This applies particularly to their publicity bods who came up with the great idea of giving “We-Don’t-Know-ium” a cool and scientific sounding name like “Dark Matter”  I think part of the plan must have been to go for something that sounded a bit scary so that us ordinaries would avoid talking about it and not find out about the gap in the general science knowledge.

Anyway, it looks like there may have recently been some success in finding out exactly what Dark Matter is (did George Lucas come up with the name?).  I have a few ideas of my own that the scientists may not have previously considered;

Wind – I don’t know about you but I have always struggled to understand the concept of wind.  I know that it can make map folding on Dartmoor very difficult and that we can measure its direction and speed.  Indeed, the Two Blondes are off for a session of extreme map folding today.  Wind is a very real force, but what exactly is it?  Is wind just “We-Don’t-Know-ium” causing mayhem around the place?  Or maybe the whole universe is holding in an almighty burp – this would have an effect on gravity for sure.

Dog hair – I have a small Jack Russell called Harry who, I am sure produces enough hair each year to stop the bank holiday traffic on the M5.  Dog hair doesn’t go away – I know because I have tried putting it in the compost bin and it never rots.  If you mulitply up all of the Jack Russells in the world by all of the days that they have been around (since around 1800) then surely that is enough hair to have an impact on the behaviour of the universe?

Jelly Babies – Our new best friends almost certainly have a mysterious element to them.  Their weekend adventures have proved that they are sensitive to gravity both in and out of water.  Maybe they are the solution to the problem.  I bet no-one has ever X-rayed or scanned one and that if they did, nothing would show up.  If “We-Don’t-Know-ium” is Jelly related, the scientists are in for a lot of fun when they start trying to write their formulas.  Jelly Babies are very unpredictable creatures – especially Yellow.

I am just Blonde hypothesising and really don’t know the answers to these questions but then neither, apparently, do the scientists!