By: Blonde Two

House Welstor CommonYou may or may not know, but I have making the acquaintance of Mr Flu this week.  He has been a bit of a bore to be honest but I think he is on his way out of the door now.  This sickly visitor meant that the fourth of my five planned night navigation trips (before my Walking Group Leader re-assessment) had a question mark hanging over it.

An afternoon nap (sounding ancient there B2) perked me up a bit so Mr Blonde Two (thanks Mr B2) and I decided to go out anyway.  I am getting better at it – but this might just be because the sky was fairly clear and I was doing a route I have done in the day time – hopefully not, it all looks very different at night.  I have a rather vivid imagination during these sessions and I thought that today, I would share some typical Blonde Two night nav thoughts with you.  If you have ever done it, you will understand …

Driving to the location:

“It looks very dark out there, I can’t see anything, let’s go to the pub.”
“There’s Rippon Tor, there are two cairns (burial mounds) up there, are the dead people standing on them?”

“I hate doing this! Why don’t I take up knitting?”

At the car park:

“Where’s my head torch?”

“Which way up should the map be – I can’t do this.”

“How many jumpers, how many coats, how many compasses …”
“Where’s my compass? Where’s my compass? Where’s my compass?”

First Navigation Leg:

“Set the bearing.”

“No, that’s the wrong direction – 180 degrees the wrong direction.”

“No-one noticed, phew, set the bearing again.”

“Measure the distance – check it again, check it again.”

“Was that bearing right?  Can’t check it again now, people waiting.”

“One, two, three …. sixty nine – ok we’ve done 100 metres – is it ok to say this out loud?”

“It’s very quiet – is he behind me?”

“Don’t look round – what if he isn’t (counting) …”

“Mud, oh no, mud – watch me fall over any minute now.”

Success at first navigation point:

“We are there!”

“I am a navigator – I can do this after all!”

“Old buildings look scary at night – might there be ghosts?”

“I don’t believe in ghosts – poke it with my stick to prove it?  No, I can’t, just in case!”

Second navigation leg:

“Uphill! – should it be uphill!?!”

“Check contour lines – should have done that earlier – pants – I am going to fail.”

“One, two three … sixty nine – stuff it, I am going to shout every hundred metres out!”

“There’s the tor – I can see it!  I can see it!”

“I shouldn’t be able to see it – oh no, this is too easy – it will be heavy mist on the night, I know it will!”

“Re-entrant – contour features, I hate contour features.”

“There are two, which one is it?  WHICH ONE IS IT?

“Just say which one – calm voice – sound like you are sure – give two reasons.”

“Phew (I hate contour features).

Last leg home:

“Catching feature – use the lingo – sound confident – we can’t miss a road!”

“Where’s the road?  WHERE’S THE ROAD?”

“Another hundred metres … that is ok – doing the right thing.”

“WHERE’S THE ROAD?  WHERE’S THE **** ROAD?”

“Another fifty metres – please be there, please be there …”

“Here’s the road, I love this road, I LOVE THIS ROAD!”

“Breath, talk, phew – I can do this.”

“Baked potatoes, sausages, lets get back to normality!”