By: Blonde Two

Today’s ramble (see what I did there) was inspired by a comment from an acquaintance with some shiny new walking boots.  My own boots are, by the way, not new and are definitely not shiny at the moment (hangs head in shame).  This poor young man, however, had the opposite experience and had cause to be embarrassed by the gleam emitting from his feet when he took his new boots out for their first, tentative tarmac expedition.

This terrible predicament would obviously be enough to make anyone lose outdoor credibility but be heartened, there are ways to avoid this worrying situation arising.  All you need to do is get the boots dirty using one of the following top tips on Emergency Boot Mucking:

1.  Dig over the compost heap – I know it is dark in the evenings at the moment but to be honest, you will get your boots much more mucky if you can’t see what you are doing.  Digging the compost will also allow you to grow much bigger vegetables – and in the world of vegetables, size does matter.

2.  Decorate the lounge.  You will have to pick your colour scheme carefully because you obviously can’t go out in boots that are spattered with pink paint.  A nice combination of “conker” and “mushroom” should do it and will also provide a restful lounging experience.

3.  Paint your boots with natural yogurt  This is more of a long term solution but should, in time, result in a nice, even, mossy growth.  There are many types of moss and If you manage to grow sphagnum, this can also be used as an emergency wound dressing.

If you don’t like the above ideas and you are really desperate to get your boots dirty, there is always the Dartmoor option.  It is probably more fun, better for you and won’t end in a row over the colour of the new lounge curtains.