By: Blonde Two

Amongst the lovely presents that Mr Blonde Two gave me for Christmas was something that I have craved for a long time; not jewels or sports cars or handbags (God forbid!) It was a pair of red gaiters. I was very excited to receive them (they matched my jacket) but equally sad when I realised that they wouldn’t quite do up around my calves.

They were a very lovely Sprayway pair, Goretex, lightweight and so, so clean. As they were medium/large we had room for manoeuvre and returned them requesting a pair in large/extra-large. Even then I found myself contemplating my calves. I don’t think they look particularly bulging, they are fairly solid from walking but surely not bigger than the average bloke’s calves.

Anyway, the larger pair arrived and I tried them on … apparently my calves have grown because this new pair didn’t fit any better than the last. It would seem that I am destined to always wear black gaiters and not know quite where my legs are because they have blended so much into the Dartmoor mud.

And yes, I was wearing my pyjamas for the try on … both times. No hope for fitting over the winter weight trousers then!

PS If you are sitting there thinking how silly gaiters are, and asking yourself why anyone would even consider wearing them, you have obviously never been out on Dartmoor after a week of rain.