By: Blonde Two
Body hair is a tricky issue in any situation
Out on the hills, it can become mission critical and requires a considerable amount of planning. But fear not dear Blondettes; we Blondes have navigated all manner of hairy situations in all weather conditions and we are here to help answer all manner of shaggy questions:
What is All This Body Hair For? – Did you know that we have as many body hairs as a chimpanzee? Before you snigger, I am not just referring to the Two Blondes, we are all hairy, it is just that our hairs are much smaller and thinner than those of chimps.
Body hair traps air next to our bodies and provides insulation. If we didn’t have it, we would have to warm up like snakes do by lying naked in the sun. This, I predict, would prove difficult to explain during a Dartmoor winter walk. We should maybe consider keeping our hair blankets all year round as a safety precaution, but should you feel that this is unacceptable, here are a few pointers:
What Should I Do With Leg Hair? – Whether or not to remove leg hair used to be a simple decision; wearing shorts – take it off, wearing trousers – leave it on. The invention of zip-off trousers has made this much more problematic (they were probably invented by a man). The trick is to unzip slowly, with practice you can do this whilst eating a cheese sandwich, a quick flick of the index finger across the leg should detect whether you are in smooth-as-a-lizard or hairy-mammoth mode and you will be able to rezip/unzip as necessary.
One vital hill-walking statistic that all ladies need to learn is their Leg-Hair-Regrowth-Rate (LHRR). If you get this right, you can make important tent v bunkhouse decisions based on when you will need to use your razor (never carry depilatory cream in your rucksack, it stinks and can be mistaken for toothpaste in the dark).
What About My Armpits and My Bikini Line? – It has been suggested by scientists (presumably smelly ones) that the reason we have additional hair (and yes, most of us do wish we had less) in “those” places is to hold “sexual maturity” odours and make us more attractive. Any girl who has caught a whiff of herself on the second day of a two night trek will know that this can’t possibly be true.
But please, before you are tempted to get rid of all of this pheremone catching hair, think carefully. Armpits, hairy or not, can be amply catered for by antiperspirants, (see the boob page for somewhere else you can use an antiperspirant) and shouldn’t cause too much of a hair removal dilemma.
Bikini lines though, are another matter. Let’s be honest, we all get a bit sweaty down there when we are walking. Before you go for that Brazilian, Hollywood or Gobi Desert (we made that one up), think about where all of that sweat is going to go if it hasn’t got your lovely muff to hide in. Yucky I know, but worth a thought!
AND, there is another consideration, who exactly are you hoping is going to see your bikini line out there in the middle of nowhere? In the Blondes’ many years of Dartmoor walking, we have only actually worn bikinis once and that certainly wasn’t when anyone else was around!
Exactly How Important Are Tidy Eyebrows and Eyelashes? – These little hairy numbers are all about sweat as well. Sweat and dirt and protection. Anyone who has ever experienced the pain and confusion of sweat mixed with suncream running into their eyes, as they desperately try to find something to stop the horseflies biting, will know what we are talking about.
We are imagining that one of the reasons that mascara is compulsory for women on the hills (have you actually read Langmuir?) is that the little filaments help to catch dust, flies and rain drops before they get to the eyes.
So ladies, if you do want to remove, pluck, thread, shape, tweak or pencil in your eyebrows, and the weather is warm, for heavens sake wear a headband as a sweat catching replacement!
We hope that we have answered a few of your questions. Please don’t be shy, if you want some more Blonde advice about the world of body hair, feel free to comment below.