By: Blonde Two
It has come to our Blonde attention that there is some confusion in the outdoor world as to the difference between crampons and tampons. We shall attempt, on this page, to ensure that you all know the difference between these two vital devices before venturing onto the hills.
1. Crampons can be strapped to the bottom of your boots and stay there all day. Tampons (and I have experimented with this) only last on average 20 minutes if strapped to the bottom of a pair of boots.
2. You can use a tampon to light a fire (a fireman taught me that). If you soak a crampon in hand gel, you will merely experience very hygienic boots.
3. A tampon (or slice of) is a useful dressing for a mouth injury. Stuffing even a little bit of a crampon in your mouth is likely to make the injury worse.
4. Tampons make thrifty Christmas decorations (see image below). Crampons are expensive and look weird on the Christmas tree.
5. Tampons can make a handy fat-free substitute for TV snacks (see image below). Crampons need soaking in vinegar before they even approach being edible.
6. Crampons are designed to fit the person who bought them. Tampons are more flexible and can be shared (NB Do not share unwrapped tampons).
7. It is possible to carry enough tampons for a whole group of girls out onto the hills. It would be tricky to carry enough crampons.
8. Crampons are very serious, macho, boy devices. Tampons are for girls and, by default, are much, much more fun.
9. Crampons have spikes for gripping onto things. If your tampons have these then you should change your chemist.
10. Crampons have been used to climb the North Face of the Eiger … maybe tampons have too!
Please note: campfires are wonderful, but you should only light them in your own garden or at campsites that have given permission. If you light fires whilst wild camping, you risk long-term damage to our beautiful environments.
Love this blog, I laughed to loud at the tampon talk! As a specialist women’s health physio on Dartmoor I spend a lot of my life talking about tampons but for different reasons!
Sadly a lot of the women I see do not dare venture out onto the moor (or very far at all from home in some cases) for fear of bladder leaks or the lack of toilets and not being able to hold on long enough. Such a shame in my view. If you are interested I would love to link up with you to help promote women’s wellness and empower women to take control of their pelvic floors so they can get out and explore the majesty of Dartmoor.
Hi Helena. So pleased you enjoy the blog and thank you for your comments. I will drop you an email soon and we can have a chat. There are a myriad of reasons that keep women off our hills, it would be interesting to talk about some of them.
This is the funniest thing I’ve read in a while! LOL – thanks for explaining these items- I actually had to look up the word crampon after seeing it on a climbers Instagram
You are very welcome and how thrilling that you found us by accident 🙂 Please make sure that you don’t get them muddled up!
Thanks for making me almost laugh out loud during yet another sleepless night in a strange hotel. Walking the Wales coast path with a group of mates from Penarth Ramblers, we’ve got as far as Aberdaron on the Lleyn Peninsula by walking for 2-3 days every April, May, sept and oct for the last 4 years. Great walking and company, but lots of sleepless nights in a mixture of good and dreadful hostels, b and bs and hotels. Found your blog from Conrad walks – thanks for making me smile ?
Sleepless nights are ironic aren’t they, when you have been walking all day. So pleased you liked the ‘Tampons or Crampons’ post. It is possibly my favourite!
This made me laugh out loud – thank you.
I really enjoy walking but hesitate to do it alone in case of being attacked. Even though I was a cub/scout leader for years, and a doctor and know that stranger attack is unlikely and part of the victim blaming culture. However, I recently thoroughly enjoyed 3 solo walks around Elterwater in the Lake District, but only ones I knew would be heavily populated.
So pleased to have made you smile. I like walking alone and with company, although I have only wild-camped on my own once. I understand your worries. There are lots of walking groups and clubs out there though. We noticed lots of women on their own at the Walk Scilly Isles of Scilly walking festival, so maybe walking festivals might be a good idea. Enjoy your walking. B2
Brilliant