By: Blonde Two
Those of you who walk out in the wilds will instantly know what we are talking about here. It is not always easy to answer a call of nature out on the hills but we girls are good at rising (or squatting) to the challenge. This feat is made more difficult however when you are walking with a group of teenage lads.
We have tried different methods of avoiding being caught with our trousers down (how nice when a metaphor really fits) – feel free to try them, but be warned, none of them are guaranteed modesty savers. Let us know if you have any other options and how you get on!
1. The Fall Back – no this doesn’t mean that horrid moment when you realise that your angle of squat has led to a risky overbalancing and a cold bottom. To use the Fall Back, you have to let the group of walkers get ahead of you (easy for me), start to edge sideways around a tor and shout “I’ll meet you round the other side” just before they disappear from view (I once broke my ankle doing this so be warned). The main disadvantage of this method is that you have to be quick – kids are capable of walking round a tor a few times before finding “the other side” and are likely to continue their circumnavigation until they see you.
2. The Route Finder – this involves waiting until the group has stopped for a lunch/snack stop. You make sure that they are all sitting down (this may never happen) and then announce that you are going to consider the terrain for the next part of the route. If you take some props with you in the form of a map and compass, you ruse will be more convincing. You run the risk here, however, of the over-keen potential team navigator realising mid-sandwich that he has missed an opportunity to show his compass wielding prowess and running over to join you.
3. The Announcement – in all honesty, this is the only one that works for us. Stand up, and say in a very loud voice, “I am going for a pee, I am going over there, don’t follow me”. Most of the lads will then be so shocked that they won’t be able to move and will avoid looking at you for the next half an hour. Adults are clearly not supposed to need the loo. The Announcement method is not for the faint-hearted and takes guts. I would recommend starting off by practicing in front of the mirror and then working up to a mid EastEnders announcement the night before the trip. The only disadvantage I have found to this method is that after a few times, you will have a lot of teenage boys telling you every time they need to pee – there are some things we don’t need to know!
When I used to walk with the Ramblers there was much talk of ‘comfort stops’ ~ a phrase that still makes me smile and shake my head. Perhaps you could mention this next time 😉
Ironic really as I have never experienced comfort when taking one of those stops. Discomfort and embarrassment certainly but comfort is more what I would associate with a heated toilet seat and quilted loo roll.
I have come round a corner on a couple of occasions to be greeted by a lady performing her toilet. Being a gent I stepped back round the corner both times … and I have been caught out once when I had taken a stop [and had to apologise profusely].