By: Blonde Two

Every now and again things to do with words make me quite cross. You know the sort of misdemeanour, apostrophes used as plurals, cheap non-scanning music lyrics (for example, ‘Without your kisses I’ll be needing stitches’) and weird phonetic spellings such as GORJUS CLEAN and KUKD (cooked) . The latest lexicon irritant is the habit of relating weird deverbal (I had to look that up) adjectives such as ‘smashed’ and ‘crushed’ to food. I don’t eat out often but I can report that down here in Devon it is tricky to find a menu that doesn’t include ‘smashed avocado’ or ‘crushed potatoes’ which are both really just good old-fashioned mashed.

Just imagine if we started applying such farcical monickers to our local Devonshire cuisine. We would all be eating ‘wrapped pasties’ and having ‘stiffened cream’ with ‘fruited jam’ on our scones. If might be fun (or really annoying) to apply such facetious labelling to our outdoor camping food. For breakfast we could have ‘bubbled eggs’ and ‘sputtered bacon’ washed down with ‘scalded coffee’, how posh we would feel and how utterly pompous we would sound.

Me? I am going to stick to good old mashed, boiled and roasted grub. ‘Folded sandwich’ anyone?