By: Blonde Two
Most of us can remember those days when the Tooth Fairy (a contrary madam) used to visit in the middle of the night, spirit away teeth to her Tooth Mountain in Fairy Land and leave us a seemingly random amount of money. Well once, a wee while ago, the Tooth Fairy (I suspect a hangover) forgot to collect my tooth and neglected to leave me some money. I was distraught but all was well because the next night I had a letter of apology from the Fairy Queen herself (she has lovely, light handed, pink writing).
Anyway the Two Blondes have recently received a letter from another unusual quarter, an equally important and majestic quarter in fact. It arrived in response to a complaint, via Blog-Comment-Post (or Blog-Post-Comment) (or Post-Blog-Comment) so some of you may have already read it. However, I feel that this missive is too important to be missed (can you miss a missive?) and carries a message that all Blondes, Brunettes, Redheads, Greyhairs and Lack-of-Hairs should read. Here it is:
Dear Blonde Two,
Thank-you for your letter of the 18th inst. It has given us the opportunity to use the term ‘inst’, which conforms so well with our royal ‘we’.
While we are glad you enjoy our moorland so much, you must appreciate that with some millions of requests for dry weather being received at Head Office each year it has become impossible to accede to even a small percentage and we have therefore taken a decision – and we are unanimous in this – that we will leave the entire thing in the capable hands of the Met. Office, whose computers are more able to deal with such vast correspondence. You will, we are sure, have heard of the cutbacks we have suffered financially which have resulted in inferior computer equipment being supplied on tor.
We would like to point out that if we were to respond to every request for dry weather our beautiful bogs and marshes would soon become deserts and our breezes would be full of sand.
While your kind offer of lessons in organisation was, we are sure, made with the very best of intentions, we feel that you should realise that we are in fact hugely organised, since we support thousands of species in our vastly intricate eco-systems. We also feel that you should be grateful to us for the organisational practice we have made available to you, not least in the matter of rotation of wet tents in small spaces, abluting of various muddy items and the strategic supply of essential equipment at exactly the right moment.
We hope you will continue to enjoy our superb facilities, including our water and mud, grass, rocks, tors and bluebells, for many years to come.
Long may our rain sustain us.