By: Blonde Two

I don’t really like lifts.  I know, I can hear you sighing from here.  It is true, there are an awful lot of things that this Blonde doesn’t really like – I am a big chicken at heart but a big hearted chicken is no bad thing when it comes to pate (or is that liver?)

Anyway, enough about hor d’oeuvres, I wanted to open by telling you about a lift that I went in the other day.  It was a lovely lift, all plush and musical but the best thing about it was that it had a “lift menu”.  I know that lots of lifts have food menus but this menu was all about what you might find on the different floors.  I should probably add here that, despite reading the lift menu, my friend and I still managed to get into the wrong lift with a totally different menu and end up in a dank basement.  The Blonde factor has far reaching effects.

Wouldn’t life be interesting if you could chose everything from a menu;  you could have the “weather menu”, the “lifespan menu” and even the “man menu”.  Last night, the Two Blondes were rescued again by the fab chaps (mustn’t forget the chapesses) at Ashburton Dartmoor Rescue.  I will tell you more about it when I have had a bit more sleep (Blonde One and I had another sleep-over last night).  We knew what our “injuries” were before hand this time but imagine if, instead of telling us our scenario, Dartmoor Rescue had given us an “injury menu”.  Which combination would you have chosen?


Advantage – get wrapped in blanket.  Disadvantage – you can still walk back.


Advantage – not much acting.  Disadvantage – you have to lie in mud.

Broken Leg

Advantage – you get a ride home.  Disadvantage – legs strapped together.

Nose Bleed

Advantage – can look dramatic.  Disadvantage – not attractive.

Heart Attack

Advantage – use acting skills.  Disadvantage –  W position makes you fart.


Advantage – need drugs.  Disadvantage – no comment!

Whichever you would choose, be careful about choosing to do/have it in the middle of Dartmoor in the dark.  That is, of course, unless you have pre-organised your own rescue!

The Dartmoor Rescue bods are all volunteers, their work relies almost solely on public donation. They train hard, fund raise hard and work hard to make sure that all of us who enjoy Dartmoor can call for help should the need arise.  Accidents can happen to anyone (even Blondes have real ones sometimes).  Just in case it is you next time – make a donation here –