By: Blonde Two
First an apology for banging on about safety on this most festive and relaxed of days (well I will be relaxed once this *** meal is on the table); but did you sit down last week and properly pre-plan your Christmas event? If you are a girl (no apologies) you probably made lists (many, many lists), you probably did shopping (much shopping) and you probably used sellotape (miles and miles of it). But did you stop to consider the risks involved in your Christmas? And did you write these risks down in your Christmas Risk Assessment? If not, you might like to borrow mine for next year.
RISK: Getting your head stuck in a stocking whilst trying to fish an orange out.
WHO: Anyone with a head diameter of over 22 inches.
MINIMISE: Include a small pot of vaseline in each stocking.
RISK: Losing teeth through a sudden intake of chocolate.
WHO: Not Granny, she hasn’t got any teeth.
MINIMISE: Invite your dentist to Christmas dinner.
RISK: Turkey elbow.
WHO: Anybody involved in the ‘shoving the turkey in the oven’ manoeuvre.
MINIMISE: Bring the vaseline downstairs once you have removed your head from the stocking, rub in on your elbow not on the turkey.
RISK: Sprout in the eye.
WHO: Anyone with a fork.
MINIMISE: Christmas safety goggles are available from all good hardware stores.
RISK: Sponge fingers.
WHO: Dad, he is the only one who ever does the washing up.
MINIMISE: Insist that he opens those novelty washing up gloves before lunch.
RISK: Christmas tree topple.
WHO: Anyone except Mum, who will be collapsed on the sofa once lunch has finished.
MINIMISE: Push the tree over before the Christmas present scramble.
RISK: Gas Gas Gas!
WHO: Anyone sitting next to a sprout muncher (definition: someone who has eaten more than six sprouts).
MINIMISE: Sorry there is no hope for you, it is every man/Blonde for himself.
Now we have that sorted out, it only remains for us Blondes to wish you fabulous Blondees and Blondettes a very, very Happy Christmas and to insist that you get out for a walk very soon!