By: Blonde Two
It’s Christmas Eve, the nights are drawing out and Santa has already begun his annual global expedition. We Blondes don’t have small children anymore but we understand that for some of you, an awful lot depends on Santa’s safe arrival. For this reason, for Christmas 2018 we have consulted (under the Dartmoor Christmas Tree of course) and come up with a list of five navigation and expedition tips that should help see the man in red safely on his way and smoothly down your chimney.
- Pack your sleigh as though you are going to be out all night (which, to be fair, you probably will be). Bring a reindeer sleeping bag (or failing that a reindeer), something out of which you can make a shelter (a large sack should do it), some high-calorie snacks (carrots and mince pies are recommended) and a hot drink (or several thousand small glasses of sherry).
- Plan your route before you set out and write a sensible route card. The world is round so a linear route won’t work. Avoid zigzagging between time zones as you may miss an early get-up, for example, in New Zealand. Add rest stops every couple of hours, the reindeer will need them even if you don’t. Watch your height gain, too much and you will find yourself distracted by the moon, too low and you risk a collision as you pass over Dubai. Take your an Ordnance Survey map and a compass for each hemisphere!
- Charge Rudolph’s nose up and take some spare batteries. If possible, always take a reindeer with a spare red nose. Blitzen, for example, was looking a tad nasal last time we saw him. As the night skies get busier, it might also pay to add a touch of hi-vis to your red outfit. We understand that VizTrim does a nice line in reflective fake fur.
- On the subject of busy skies, watch out for drones. With Gatwick Airport at risk of standstill from these pesky machines, there is a high risk of stockpiling on the luggage conveyors if your sleigh becomes compromised and you have to resort to airmail.
- Think about your team. Tell Mrs Christmas where you are going and what time you expect to be back. Remember that some of the elves will be new to Christmas Eve and will need some encouragement, maybe considering pairing them up with more experienced deliverers. Feed the reindeer regularly (we suggest carrots) and look out for signs of hypothermia. Most importantly Santa, look after yourself, you aren’t getting any younger… Oh dear, I think that’s us off the ‘good’ list!