By: Blonde Two

Lots of people take pleasure in driving over Dartmoor. It is beautiful to look at through the windscreen, but it is even better (and a tad risky) if you stick your head out of the window and smell the peat and pony poo.

It was Blonde One’s turn (it usually is) to drive us up to Dartmoor on Sunday, and I had time to admire the view and enjoy having a very warm bottom.

You see, Blonde One’s car has a ‘heaty-seaty”. I have probably mentioned this before, and rightly so because a) I often have a cold bottom, and b) My car doesn’t have one.

I found myself wondering what other car modifications would be as perfect for a pair of Dartmoor bog-treading Blondes:

A quick-clearing windscreen would be fabulous.  Mine takes approximately the drive time between Princetown and Ashburton, which is clearly useless.  I have another friend (I know, I was surprised too!) whose new car clears its windscreen faster than I can say “cleany-screeny”.

Mud absorbing car mats for the front and back seats would be amazing.  We do try to remove our boots before getting in but there are some days when it is just too wet.  This would be called a “natty-matty”.

And last, but by no means least.  Why has nobody ever thought of a heated seat back?  Kind of like a heated towel rail but on the back of the front seats.  You could hang your drippy coat there at check point one and by the time you had reached check point two, it would be all lovely and dry.  I would name this a “jacket-bracket”.

If there are any super-rich car manufacturers reading this, please may I point out that I have just invented at least two of these Blonde-modifications and would, at some point, like some royalties.