By: Blonde One
It’s true that to be able to drive a vehicle on the public highway you need to have lessons, practice for hours, learn the rules and take a very scary test. In my opinion it should be an equally thorough process to become a qualified co-pilot. Blonde Two is an exceptional one and could easily pass any test! Here are her finest co-pilot qualities:
1. She does not laugh or criticise when I break the sunroof (I don’t even know why I was opening the sunroof: it hasn’t stopped raining).
2. She congratulates me when I announce that I have fixed the sunroof.
3. She is brilliant at ‘looking left’ – even when she has a contact lens issue and I’m not entirely sure she can see anything at all.
4. She knows at exactly the right moment to provide a sugar fix. She even knows when I need a mint, a jelly baby or a very posh ‘Expedition’ sweet from a very posh tin.
5. She very confidently navigates her way around unfamiliar territory (and we all know that this is not her best skill).
6. She knows when to stop talking, as I’ve stopped listening when approaching a very tricky manoeuvre, without being offended.
7. She doesn’t panic when I do an emergency stop or swerve violently to avoid a puddle that may have a pothole at the bottom.
8. Most importantly, she looks after the Lego men that adorn the Landy when they become a little unstable after some very bumpy roads!
So you see, it’s a very technical job being a Blonde co-pilot, but Blonde Two has proved that she is the best woman for the job. Just one thing though – she did promise not to make me go over Silly Bridge more than once … she lied!