By: Blonde Two

This is part 2 of our Dartmoor Christmas Story – you are going to need a copy of Ordnance Survey’s OL28 and some grid reference knowledge to help with the translation. Answers in tomorrow’s post!

In the end the Son of God popped out without too much SX 562 769. Joe had missed closing time but he was so relieved to get his hand back in one piece that he didn’t mind.

“He’s a cute little SX 542 855,” he said to Mary, “What shall we call him?”

“His name’s Jesus and history suggests that we are supposed to put him in a SX 636 624,” answered Mary, “But I don’t want to put him down at all so  pop yourself off to the kitchen and make me a cup of tea.”

Joe smiled at this, a bossy Mary was a happy one and the baby did look very comfortable in her arms. He wandered off to the kitchen and soon they were both happily sipping hot tea and having a good old SX 554 851.

Later that night, just as Joe was dozing off, they heard a knock at the cafe door.

“What the SX 582 773 is that?” muttered Joe, getting up reluctantly to go and see.

He opened the door and peered out. Standing there were three red-faced farmers.

“We’m visiting the Son of God,” mumbled the first farmer, staring down at his wellies.

“Aye we’m heard the SX 675 644 and we’m brought’m a SX 555 863,” With that he pulled on the rope in his hand and a tiny goat appeared round the door.

Joe scratched his head, since the Son of God thing everything had been a bit odd.

“Well you had better come in,” he invited, opening the door a bit wider. “Mary, these farmers have brought a goat for you.”

“Eees not for er, eees for em Son of God,” said the third farmer taking his hat off.

“Well he’s a bit small,” said Mary eyeing the goat up, “Couldn’t you have found a bigger one? This is the Son of God you know.”

“Well, this ‘ere’s the SX 555 863, Bob’s gonna bring the SX 555 865 down dreckly.”

Mary sighed, she knew what ‘dreckly’ meant and she wasn’t sure that SX 59065 73432 would appreciate her waiting around all week for any sort of goat.

“Well he’ll have to do for now,” she said, “Joe can you get these chaps a cup of tea? They look a bit worse for wear to me.”

Joe nodded and the three farmers sat down politely. Mary looked at their boots and tutted to herself, they had left straw all over the floor.

Joe had just sat down with his second cup of tea of the night when there was another knock at the door.

“Oh SX 504 677!” he said, “This is all getting a bit ridiculous.”

This time when Joe opened the door there were three very tall men in pinstriped suits standing outside.

“Who are you?”

“Hello Joe, my name is SX 594 796, allow me to introduce my companions, SX 651 753 and SX 621 838,” said the nearest, stooping so that he could see through the door.

“Nice to meet you,” replied Joe, “but how do you know my name?”

“We know everybody’s name,”SX 594 796 replied, “We know everybody’s name because we are very wise.”

“Hmm, you look like politicians to me,” said Joe doubtfully. “You had better come in and shut the door. My girlfriend’s just given birth to the Son of God.”

“We know!” said SX 651 753 and SX 621 838 together as they trooped through the door. “We are wise you see.”

Mary looked up as the wise men came in, “Please don’t tell me you’ve brought any more goats,” she said, “This one’s tiny but he has already messed up the floor.”

SX 594 796, SX 651 753 and SX 621 838 stood and looked awkwardly at Mary.

“We were too wise to bring any goats,” said SX 594 796, “but we have brought some presents for the Son of God.”

“Indeed we have,” boomed SX 651 753 in an official-sounding voice. “I am a Conservative MP and I have brought a SX 612 731 because I think the pound’s in trouble.”

“And I represent the Green Party and have brought an organic SX566 777,” announced SX 621 838.

“What have you brought Mr SX 594 796?” Mary sighed, hoping for a bag of disposable nappies.

SX 594 796 looked sheepish, “I’m afraid I am a bit confused about my political leanings so I just brought him a SX 555 851.”

“Well you had better all sit down'” said Mary, glad that they hadn’t ended up in a stable, at least cafes had chairs. “Joe, can you make another round of tea?”

And that was how Christmas happened in SX 590 734 on Dartmoor. The SX 532 772 was born, the farmers and the politicians came and everyone enjoyed a nice cup of tea.

In the morning when Dave came to open up SX 59065 73432 he was a bit surprised to see a couple, a baby, three farmers, three politicians and one very small goat all asleep in front of the fire.

“Weird lot those walkers,” he muttered and went off to make a bacon sandwich.