By: Blonde Two

I haven’t been to the gym for ages.

The above is not an apology, I have done plenty of swimming (thanks to Mr Fast who, without realising it, made me swim very hard yesterday) and a reasonable amount of walking.

I have no objections to the gym exercise apart from the fact that it always makes me feel like I should be running, and that if I run some part of me always seems to hurt. On Christmas Eve, the BMC posted an interesting article about why walking outside is much better for you than walking in the gym Hanna Lindon’s reasons made me chuckle, especially the one about ‘traumatic group changing experiences’, but I would like to add a few Blonde points of my own:


1. In the gym you would quickly overheat if you wore your new down jacket, waterproof gloves or red gaiters. On the hills you can get away with wearing as many clothes as you want to (this is a good idea if your rucksack is already overflowing with ‘essential’ gear.)
2. In the gym everyone can see your lumps and bumps. This is very clever of gyms and the reason they put up lots of mirrors. You go once, see your squidgy bits and then you are trapped into going again until your squidgy bits disappear (except that they never do!) Hills are onto the gym’s game here, and have in recent years developed puddles instead of mirrors. Puddles are great because you can see yourself in them, but they are usually too murky to reveal any extra-flesh. Even if puddles did (by accident) allow a more clear reflection, the layers of ‘essential’ gear from number one would even the view out. This means that hills win the gym/hill/flab/view battle because we all prefer the one that makes us feel beautiful.
3. You are never allowed to stay in the gym all night. That is, although there are 24 hour gyms (presumably for people without jobs or jobbies), you are not allowed to take your tent, your meths stove or your Cup a Soup into them with you; neither is weeing in the corner behind the treadmill permissible (weeing behind something is essential for overnight stays). If you go for a walk and have all of your ‘essential’ gear with you, you can stay out for as long as you want to, and wee behind whichever rock, bush or friend that you choose (please ask the friend’s permission first!)

So this weekend, the Two Blondes will not be going to the gym, but will be going for a lovely walk on Dartmoor instead. See if you can spot us!