By: Blonde Two
I haven’t been to the gym for ages.
The above is not an apology, I have done plenty of swimming (thanks to Mr Fast who, without realising it, made me swim very hard yesterday) and a reasonable amount of walking.
I have no objections to the gym exercise apart from the fact that it always makes me feel like I should be running, and that if I run some part of me always seems to hurt. On Christmas Eve, the BMC posted an interesting article about why walking outside is much better for you than walking in the gym https://www.thebmc.co.uk/ten-reasons-why-hill-walking-is-better-than-the-gym. Hanna Lindon’s reasons made me chuckle, especially the one about ‘traumatic group changing experiences’, but I would like to add a few Blonde points of my own:
1. In the gym you would quickly overheat if you wore your new down jacket, waterproof gloves or red gaiters. On the hills you can get away with wearing as many clothes as you want to (this is a good idea if your rucksack is already overflowing with ‘essential’ gear.)
2. In the gym everyone can see your lumps and bumps. This is very clever of gyms and the reason they put up lots of mirrors. You go once, see your squidgy bits and then you are trapped into going again until your squidgy bits disappear (except that they never do!) Hills are onto the gym’s game here, and have in recent years developed puddles instead of mirrors. Puddles are great because you can see yourself in them, but they are usually too murky to reveal any extra-flesh. Even if puddles did (by accident) allow a more clear reflection, the layers of ‘essential’ gear from number one would even the view out. This means that hills win the gym/hill/flab/view battle because we all prefer the one that makes us feel beautiful.
3. You are never allowed to stay in the gym all night. That is, although there are 24 hour gyms (presumably for people without jobs or jobbies), you are not allowed to take your tent, your meths stove or your Cup a Soup into them with you; neither is weeing in the corner behind the treadmill permissible (weeing behind something is essential for overnight stays). If you go for a walk and have all of your ‘essential’ gear with you, you can stay out for as long as you want to, and wee behind whichever rock, bush or friend that you choose (please ask the friend’s permission first!)
So this weekend, the Two Blondes will not be going to the gym, but will be going for a lovely walk on Dartmoor instead. See if you can spot us!
Gyms might be OK if they were austere, spartan and serious. Instead there are all these plastic bottles of water (Do they remain clasped to the gymmer’s bosom even in the loo?) and Madonna being provocative on the inescapable TV screens. When I still skied I halved my mile in the pool and did some stepping on some machine or other. The experience may have strengthened my knees but it rotted my mind; my surroundings always suggested one of the milder staging posts on the road to Hell. And whereas I accept that’s where I’ll end up there’s no point in pre-living Hell’s delights.
How dogged you look, striding away from the camera. Vogue you could no doubt do, but not today.
But Roderick, how can you be sure which Blonde is doing the striding?
Are you saying it isn’t you?
Train for walking by walking, and for sheer exhilaration run on the hills (not on roads).
You can’t have the excitement of being lost and then finding your way out in the gym. I spent a year with regular gym visits but the atmosphere was all football and laddish and competitive, and the views out of the window only made one wish to be outside.
Essential Dartmoor equipment – oh yes! The Jelly Babies, the frogman’s mask and the flippers! Don’t forget to remove the sun-tan oil from the rucksack – but a rubber dinghy might be useful.