By: Blonde Two
It is rude to ignore people but today I deleted an email because the wording irritated me so much. It would seem that the world of business jargon has hijacked so many words that another language has been invented. This has annoyed me for so long now that I have decided to do a bit of hijacking back and steal some words and phrases from my recent business emails and give them far more exciting, outdoor meanings.
Streaming – transmitting or receiving data from the internet (a bit boring)
New definition – jumping backwards and forwards over a stream, trying (not very) hard not to get your feet wet (really good fun).
Leveraging – using something to (your own) maximum advantage (not very friendly)
New definition – using the top of one tent peg to pull out another that is refusing to budge (very useful).
Millennials – young people in their 20s who may or may not like avocados (I have some so I can’t comment)
New definition – goals that include the number 1000, for example Country Walking Magazine’s ‘Walk 1000 Miles‘ challenge (great idea)
Social – websites that pretend to be about talking but probably aren’t really (sometimes great, sometimes not)
New definition – getting outside and doing things with other people in groups (loads of fun)
Circle back – send something (often an email) that the recipient ignored weeks ago (majorly irritating)
New definition – to complete a circular walk and end up at your car, the pub or home (excellent planning)
Grass roots level – ordinary people (often the nicest ones)
New definition – to lie face down in the grass and smell the ground (best in sunshine)
Action item – something that shouldn’t still be on your to-do list (can induce stress)
New definition – anything you pack in your rucksack to help you with your day outdoors (the tastier the better)
Hammock task – a job which carries little responsibility and gains next to no recognition (easy but boring)
New definition – anything related to hanging your hammock for the night (best with warm hands)
Pacesetter – an organisation that sets the standards for a marketplace (a bit on the bossy side)
New definition – the person who is always first to the top of the hill (never admit to being annoyed by this)
Beat the bushes – undertake marketing activities in a rural area (you’ll have to find us first)
New definition – challenge a gorse bush to a race and see who gets to the rock first (always a winner)
Now you can all run that up the black box flagpole and see who voluntolds before they need their next bio break…
Help me… I am melting!