By: Blonde Two

No – these aren’t an optional item on the Two Blondes kit list – you will definitely need some.  The big question is of course, which ones will you need.  There are three main issues under which to carefully consider your selection:

1.  Comfort – this has to be paramount and should always be the first consideration when selecting underwear.  Always use Nicker’s Rule (hours walking x predicted rainfall = degree of comfort selected).  This lesser known rule is as vital to walkers as Naismith’s rule which does not make hills easier to walk up but does let you know how long your pain is going to last for.  For example – if you are strolling at Spitchwick on Dartmoor on a hot August day, you can get away with a pair of frillies but if you are out on a WGL assessment in February, you will probably need oversized quilted long johns.

2.  Warmth – it is a little known fact that the part of a lady that takes longest to warm up is her bottom.  Bottoms have the ability to absorb cold and store it for unreasonably long amounts of time.  Baltzar von Platen invented the fridge after a particular chilly night next to his wife.  In the Australian outback, cow cockies ask their girls to sit on their cans of beer before opening them (I am making this up now).  So please ladies, pick a pair of undies that are going to prevent bum chill.  I recommend merino, Ice Breaker do some lovely ones and claim that they don’t smell.  Please don’t be tempted to test the smell theory by only packing one pair!

3.  Style – to be honest, if you can find a pair of pants that is comfortable, warm and stylish then you are a better woman than me.  It is really important though, not to ignore this factor.  As your Mum said, “You never know when you are going to get run over by a bus”.  There are not many buses up on Dartmoor but I do know that when I was lying in the mud after breaking my ankle, I did do quick mental check as to that morning’s underwear selection.  Sadly, nothing matched and I had paid far too much attention to issues 1 and 2 for style to even remotely come into the situation.  Lesson learnt but I am still searching for that perfect pair of pants.