By: Blonde Two
Date: December 23rd 2017
Time Until Present Delivery: 2 hours
Location: Ordnance Survey Head Quarters, Explorer House, Nowhere Near the North Pole
Present: Santa, Rudolph, St Nicholas G Isles (GIN), Beverley Lively (BELL), Ellie Seeker (ANGELLIE)
Presents: None yet, it isn’t Christmas day
Apologies: Santa’s Little Helper, Pingu, The Wise Men
GIN: Ahem! Can I call this meeting to order, please. Santa and, of course, Rudolph, thank you very much for coming, I know this is a busy time for you.
Rudolph: Busy! Busy! You’re too right it’s busy mate and now your guys have gone and mucked everything up by introducing this ridiculous ‘Skyline’ app!
BELL: Err… actually Rudolph (can I call you Rudy?) the app is called ‘SkyContour’, Skyline belongs… well I’m not allowed to say that word within the walls of Explorer House.
Rudolph: Call me ‘Rudy’ lady and you’ll see how red my nose can glow. Skyline, MyLine, my foot! This app is ruining Christmas.
Santa: Now, steady on Rudolph old chap! You can’t go around saying things like ‘Rudy Lady’ to nice young ladies like Beverley. We all know how important map and compnose navigation is to you, but let’s hear what St Nicholas G Isles has to say about the matter.
GIN: Thanks Santa…
ANGELLIE (giggling): ‘Thanks Santa’, that’s what my mum used to make me write in my Christmas thank you letters…
GIN (frowning): Thank you Ellie… but this is no laughing matter. If we don’t get this sorted in the next couple of hours there will be no presents and no thank you letters for anyone. What I was saying was that at Ordnance Survey we pride ourselves on our ability to find our way, up hill and down dale and around every corner to a solution for any mapping problem. Is there an issue with Rudolph’s nose?
Rudolph (snorting): Nothing wrong with my nose mate… but there’ll be something wrong with yours in a minute.
Santa: Calm down deer, we’ll get this sorted I am sure, but you’re going to have to listen to Mr Isles first. (Santa turns to GIN) Mr Isles…
GIN: Please Santa, call me St Nick…
Santa (looking confused): St Nick… Rudolph and his clan have successfully navigated our way across the night skies every Christmas Eve since… well since Christmas Eve. We have used nothing but your excellent mapping and Rudolph’s compnose to date and Rudolph is feeling a bit worried that your app is going to throw a sprout in the works.
ANGELLIE: ‘Throw a sprout in the works,’ oh that’s very good Santa!
BELL: Ellie Seeker! Stop sucking up to Santa, we all know you have been a good girl this year…
Santa gets out his notebook and scribbles in it
GIN (sipping a clear liquid from a tin mug): Ah I see. Thank you for explaining Santa. (GIN turns to Rudolph) Rudolph, I think I have some idea of your issue now, but please allow me to reassure you that our OS SkyMappists have designed the SkyContour as a support to other, less experienced reindeer than yourself. Obviously, it can’t hope to replace your wealth of navigational expertise.
Rudolph: ‘Some idea!’ Some idea!’ You have no idea what I am talking about at all!
ANGELLIE (sniggering): ‘No idea…’ very good Rudolph! Very good indeed.
BELL: Ellie! Stop laughing, Rudolph is trying to explain…
ANGELLIE (still sniggering): Sorry Beverley, I had no idee(r)!
GIN: Rudolph, maybe you would like to explain your issues with SkyContour a bit more clearly. Are you worried that your nose will become redundant?
Rudolph (unmoving): Oh for goodness sake! You have still no idea! No app, not Skyline, MySky, StarMap or even NativyMap is ever going to beat my nose for accuracy and magnetic deviation detection. My issue, and I speak for the general reindeer community here, is with the contour lines.
GIN (scratching his head and taking another sip of clear liquid): The contour lines? We had our finest linesmen and women measure them very carefully, all of our figures are accurate…
Will Santa get the presents out on time?
Will Rudolph and his team hang on for deer life?
Will St Nick run out of whatever is in his enamel cup?
Find out tomorrow…